My favorite question to ask a couple expecting a baby is whether or not a man is going to be present in the delivery room? I asked Peter (husband) if he going to be with his wife delivering the baby and he gave me the best answer I have ever heard: "Of course, where else would I be?!" Dear Mamas and Papas I believe it is very important for a man to be present during labour. I am old school in many ways, but I am very new school when it comes to labour. Many girl-friends of mine think that man should not "see it" or men tell me "it is not a manly thing do it, it is woman's business". Here is what I think:
Dear Mamas:
1. You will need as much support as you can possibly imagine and having your partner/husband by your side will benefit you greatly! In the delivery room you will be surrounded by people that are very nice and are genuinely supportive, but at the same time on the back of your mind you know that they are doing their job, and it is only their job.
2. Before you go into the room you can give him instruction such as where you would like him to stand, hold or not to hold your hand, what to say and not to say - trust me, he will listen!
3. Just to give you an idea: you will be in a room with people you don't know, your OBGYN that you met 9 months ago she will be busy doing her job and the only things you will hear from her are "good job" "push" or "you are doing great" she will be concentrated on the delivery process rather than you, and she should, it is her main job to deliver your baby.
4. If English is not your native language it will help tremendously to have a person who speaks your native tongue, if it is not your husband, see if your mom, sister, aunt or whomever you think will be a great deal of support to you can come. P.S. Some of your girlfriends might volunteer to join you as well, but if they never had children, you might not want to invite them for their own sake. Men know that they will never had to go through labour themselves, but a woman might change her mind about having children any time soon.
5. If for any reason you think you will be worried about your husband/partner or whomever you choose to have in your delivery room more than you worry about yourself, you should not pick them. Delivery room person has to be someone who can stand on their own feet and help you to go through the toughest labour moments.
6. Men should know what a woman goes through to give life to his son or daughter! They need to see that it is not easy and that we, women, are very brave and strong! They need to know that giving birth is physical and emotional work! If they are not there they will never know. Here is how I imagine a day for a man who is not with his woman delivering the baby: he drops her off at the hospital, he either goes home or waits for hours in the waiting room, watching movies, talks to family, reads a magazine (don't get me wrong, she is nervous, and worried), finally the doctors says that he can see his wife, he is super excited to meet his son, but here are his thoughts: "Great, I have a son now!" He comes to your room, sees the baby, and tells you that you did great! Well, he can be the nicest and the best every, but with all do respect "he does not have a clue" how great you did, and how amazing you are!
Dear Papas:
1. Baby delivery is a clean process, yes, baby comes out partially covered in yellowish/whitish sour cream like fluid, baby looks clean, pink and yes, cone headed.
2. The blood part of the labour comes later, but you don't have to see it, and you probably won't because you will forget about your wife the minute you will see the baby and even when you have "almost" regrouped from the recent miracle, the OBGYN will be finishing with the rest of the process.
3. I would not recommend taking "the front row", it is doctor's spot + you cannot help your wife from there. Help your loved one by standing by her side, holding her arm, supporting her knee, etc. Side view will be more than enough for an out-of-body child birth experience, I promise!
4. Don't try to be "the man" for your woman when you feel that you will faint. Please talk to her, tell her your concerns and I promise you will find the best solution for both of you. P.S. I told my husband that if for any reason he will feel like fainting or throwing up or whatever it is, he needs to leave the room and come back when he is ready.
5. I guarantee, it will be the toughest and the most mesmerizing day of your life! Toughest because you will be seeing your wife going through lots of pain and emotions and you won't be able to help in any way rather than staying positive and using your words to help her through. The best because it is an unforgettable feeling to see how your wife gives birth to a child created by you and her, a real human being will be coming out of your wife's stomach - it is a true miracle! Another great benefit, you will be the first one who's voice she is going to recognize and react to. You will have an immediate access to your baby while they are weighting and measuring her, your finger will be the first one she holds, that first grip will hold your heart forever.
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